Open Mind, Strong Body, Beautiful Soul by Coco Dorsey
January 23, 2007 - surprise party at the fountain
It's Tuesday and cold outside....I'm feeling much better now....more like myself...and so much more at ease with what I am going through...I like having a plan....and I am figuring out how this is going to work....how long I will feel like hell after the treatments...and what to expect! Keith says we should go to the fountain for a beer since I am feeling well....i am slowly talked into his idea....as we walked in the bar I saw an amazing sight....all of my friends...and my family...and the staff...everyone was wearing a baseball hat...the khaki hat had written on it in pink embroidery "gococo"...this is the first time I cried....i saw my older brother, david, first...he grabbed me as I fell weeping into his arms...the outpouring of love, care, generosity of the ones I love was so very evident to me at this exact moment....it was all so overwhelming. I realized then that life had dealt me a difficult hand...and that my strength and courage to fight this battle was made possible by their support and prayers...as Jimmy buffett so eloquently wrote "breathe in, breathe out, move on". And this is exactly what I was going to do...
January 24, 2007 - 2nd chemotherapy and shaved head
This chemo was much easier....I didn't have the apprehension and fear that I had the first time...Marvin hooked me up in the lab after taking all my blood...and Ginger In the chemo room was very comforting to have around...she was attentive and smart...and I trusted her to give me the poisons...weird, huh? But this girl....She knew what she was doing....
This evening was when I decided to shave my head....I had just grown my hair out, coincidentally, for Locks of Love....And had cut my hair three weeks before being diagnosed.....i still had a lot left though...enough to go in a decent pony tail....but This morning when I took my shower a clump of hair fell out of my head...I will never forget how it felt....wet, heavy, scratchy yet slippery...it slid down the back of my neck, over my shoulder blade, making it's way over the small of my back and my right hip, eventually down the back of my right knee...only to make an ear-piercing "thud" on the shower floor....i knew I had to do it..i had to shave off the remaining head of hair....i knew I could not ever feel that helpless and sad again....
So we did it....keith, me, the kids, dave and ellen, john and trace, blake, brad, betsy, buff and golly....we did it! Emphasis on the we.....keith took a couple of shots of tequila, I took a couple of xanax...and we let it roll....Everyone took a part! They all took turns with the shears! i loved this for some reason! It was a definitive rite of passage for me....odd to most people I think...it was a huge release...a relief....a wonderful yet strange sense of accomplishment...for the first time in months I actually felt completely in control of myself, of my body, of my actions....I am the boss! I am in the driver's seat now! Watch out cancer! You are in a fight... for your existence in MY body! I am going to win this battle! And this war!
