Open Mind, Strong Body, Beautiful Soul by Coco Dorsey

January 10, 2007 - placement of medi-port and first chemotherapy

Another surgery for medi-port placement...arrived at the little rock surgery center at 6 am. Again dr. fant was there as they put me to sleep. After waking up around 9 am, keith took me straight to HOSA. They took me to a private chemotherapy room in the back where my chemo nurse, ginger, tapped into my port for the very first time...the first of many, many times it would eventually be punctured ...through my right upper chest...just above my collar bone....she turned on the i.v. pump and let it drip....

The first chemotherapy I was given was adriamycin or "the red devil". The second was cytoxan. The cytoxan burned terribly as it slowly flooded through my veins....it felt as if I had just inhaled wasabi....or swimming pool water with a ton of chlorine....a migraine set in ...as did the nausea....and of course, as the day wore on, the fear and anxiety of what I was doing to my body....the poison inside of me....destroying every cell...good and bad....

That night was another story....one in which I don't quite want to touch on...I can't...it was a scene from the movie "dying young"....you know the one....with Julia Roberts (can't recall her name) caring for Campbell scott (victor was his name) as he endured chemotherapy....the scene with the sweating...and vomiting....and mind-boggling craziness in his head....the chemicals attacking his entire being...both physically and mentally?...these were the goings-on in my own bathroom this horrific evening...but i was the patient in this scene....

January 17, 2007 - visit with Brad Baltz

Good counts today....i really like the staff here....all my nurses are fantastic! And dr. baltz is a super nice guy....I'm not quite sure what he thinks of me...not that it matters....he is, after all, just my oncologist, right? The guy that is going to cure me...save my life....enable me to raise my children....give me my crazy life back?